If
you were to snap, would you know that you did? I mean, does a
crazy person know there crazy? It has come to a time in my life
where I am just tiered, not tiered like I need to go to bed but
just tiered of the struggle. Each day filled with one obstacle
after another and no end in sight.
For
those of you that know me, you know that I am going through a
pretty tuff time in my life and so far I have held my head high
and dealt with these tribulations rather well. I am still fighting
but am at the end of my rope. Sometime today (12:15 pm to be more
accurate) I snapped. I didn't explode, get mad or break down in
tears, I just mealy got quiet and thought to myself, fuck it.
This is a very dangerous time in everyone life (if this is how
other people snap). This is when you let everything go to shit
and blame the world for your woes. I see this very easily and
am struggling with all of my heart not to go that road (I have
been there before and almost didn't survive the last one); but
it is hard to stop the tail spin that will soon follow if I am
not cautious.
This
is my perdicerment, to give in and see the negative of everything,
or take the onslaught that is coming standing in defiance, and
pride. The first is a path well travelled by all and easy to see.
The second is the less travelled path, and believe me very difficult
to navigate due to the fact that it isn't marked and there is
no guide. I hope to choose the less travelled, and every day battle
to cut back the overgrowth that shrouds its bends and twists.
I
see this as an every day struggle, every hour, every second. Some
you win, some you loose; the trick being not to let the losses
herd you into more losses. As for today, I didn't give up; I just
gave in. Tomorrow I will rise and do the things that I must, not
letting today drag tomorrow down with it. Listen to me world,
I am Dan Lukerchine god dam it, and there is nothing that you
could fucking do to me that I will not overcome!! You may think
that sounds pretty cocky, but you know what, fuck you. If you
know me, you know that I am a stand up man, who does what he says,
and thinks with my heart. I live by karma, and I know as long
as I stick to my guns (i.e. morals, values, and self reliance)
that I will emerge from the path that I have chosen victorious
and without remorse.
I care
about all humanity, deep from within my soul; and I suppose that
is when it hits me the hardest is when it feels like humanity
doesn't care or flat out kicks me when I'm down. There are times
that the inside screams a deep battle cry of rage at humanity
and what it has chosen to do to itself, and there are other times
it makes me shed a tear. I feel this at all times and sometimes
it is more than these wide shoulders can bear, but i will endure,
and continue to heft it, why (let's face it) I don't have a choice.
It's life, you really don't have a choice.
Please
don't think of this as the pour me edition, we all face these
struggles. Each person dealing with their own weight; sometimes
heavy, sometimes light, right now mine is just to heavy for the
one. Anyway, fuck it, it's my web site and if I feel like a little
freelance bitching (like I don't do that every week) I can. On
the other hand if one of my readers out there gets a little glimmer
of inspiration to struggle on, then it was worth it. Remember
this my friends, the good and the bad times is what makes us who
we are. Though the dark times seem endless, and to much to deal
with; they to will come to an end, and for traversing the hard
path, your rewards will be great.
Peace be with you
my brethren. I am and always will be with each of you, bearing
the weight.
